24, Positive Discipline Your Child: The Best Way to Set Boundaries

1/29/2021

Do your children challenge you and test boundaries? Do you have a problem not giving in when your child cries? Are you frustrated because your child knows how to wear you down with tantrums? How to discipline a child is a problem for every age group, today we are going to talk about how to discipline children in different age groups and to stay consistently on boundaries.

Please don’t view discipline as punishment. Some parents think that discipline means physical punishment such as hitting or threatening the child. This is not discipline. Discipline is more of a means of actively engaging with your children to help mold their moral character, also means to teach them responsible behavior and self-control. With appropriate and consistent discipline, your child will learn about consequences and taking responsibility for their own actions. It is better to encourage the child to learn to manage both their feelings and behaviors.

Let's talk about how to discipline infants and toddlers. For young infants, the priority of discipline is keeping babies in a safe environment, remove problem objects or remove babies from problem areas, and redirect their attention to other appropriate toys or activities. By around age 6 months, babies begin to understand the word “no”. Continue setting boundaries about what is right and wrong for babies. Use simple and concrete directions such as “please put that down”, being consistent in the rules and followed with redirection. For example, if the child is not allowed to play in the office room, stop the child’s body, when you see the child approaching the room, tell him/her “this is not a place for you to play, let’s go to your playroom” and move the child to the playroom. Then do not again allow your child to play in the office room, because it could make them confused. You can also help shape your child’s behavior by modeling the behaviors you want your child to do. For example, if you want your children to brush their teeth by themselves, you may do it yourself and make sure your children are watching you while you are doing that. Consistency will provide children with structure and teach them how to behave in their older ages.

Older children often use temper tantrums to show their displeasure at a situation. They will cry and scream, stomp their feet, and even lie on the floor. The best way is not to reward them when they do that. For example, if a child is having a tantrum because he/she asked for ice cream and didn’t get one, then you should not give him/her the ice cream. By giving the child ice cream, you are telling the child that the way to get what they want is to tantrum. Also, excessive attention such as “stop that, come play with my phone” also rewards the behavior and will encourage the child to continue. If your child is having a hard time calming down, or if you are in a place with a lot of people. I encourage you to bring your child to a quiet place, such as in your car, or a quiet room. sit with your child, watching him or her cry, as tell them calmly “I am right here with you, whenever you are calming down I’m ready to give you a hug and talk about it.” The child may still cry and even peek you behind his/her hands, eventually, the child will stop the tantrum. Then you can talk to them about the tantrum is not ok, what behavior is acceptable, and explain the consequences. This strategy works well for older children because they often look for helpers when they throw tantrums, taking them to a quiet place allows them to calm down faster and able to really listen in to what you are going to say.

The most important and effective way is to reinforce good behaviors. A child naturally wants to love and approval of their parents and caregivers, so one of the effective ways to recognize and encourage positive behaviors is for a child to know what behaviors are expected of them. Make an effort to notice when your child is actively engaged in being good, recognize and encourage him/her on the behavior. Parents who are available too and show empathy toward their children are serving as excellent role models.

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